this movie is like all the most boring and shitty parts of The English Patient plus you keep thinking there will be ninjas or something but instead there’s just lots of Sensitive Strings scoring to people looking haunted
These are a real thing actually and I was browsing a few when I suddenly remembered way back in the days of Medal of Honor online deathmatching I joined a server as an American soldier and found all the Nazi soldiers kneeling in a circle, so I wandered up to them and the following exchange occurred:
Me: what are you guys doing SS Guy: this is a private memorial Me: you’re doing this here in the game for someone who actually died? in the real world? SS Guy: [turns around and shoots me]
If you think you have a great new joke about something you’re calling “It’s like Grindr for [punchline],” you are wrong in that not only has someone else thought of that joke, but your interrogatory web search will reveal their own crestfallen realization that someone ELSE already thought the same thing and actually built the app for it
One amusing circumstance occurred while we were lying at anchor in Panama Bay. In the regiment there was a Lieutenant Slaughter who was very liable to sea-sickness. It almost made him sick to see the wave of a table-cloth when the servants were spreading it.
Soon after his graduation, Slaughter was ordered to California and took passage by a sailing vessel going around Cape Horn. The vessel was seven months making the voyage, and Slaughter was sick every moment of the time, never more so than while lying at anchor after reaching his place of destination. On landing in California he found orders which had come by the Isthmus, notifying him of a mistake in his assignment; he should have been ordered to the northern lakes. He started back by the Isthmus route and was sick all the way.
But when he arrived at the East he was again ordered to California, this time definitely, and at this date was making his third trip. He was as sick as ever, and had been so for more than a month while lying at anchor in the bay. I remember him well, seated with his elbows on the table in front of him, his chin between his hands, and looking the picture of despair. At last he broke out, “I wish I had taken my father’s advice; he wanted me to go into the navy; if I had done so, I should not have had to go to sea so much.” Poor Slaughter! it was his last sea voyage. He was killed by Indians in Oregon.
”—Treasonous for me to say as I was born and raised a southerner but I’m finding the memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant quite enjoyable and hilarious
“Although at times he seems almost human, he still is a dog and has many dog qualities (such as his love of peanut butter and chew toy and his hatred of cats). Although Stan does not like to admit it, if you look at his family tree you would find that he is part cat. He blames the fact that his dog ancestor “married” his one cat ancestor because it was the 1970s.”—Crypto-racism on Dog with a Blog, where are the social justice warriors
He looks out over the crowd of expectant faces, waiting to hear what he has to say on this momentous occasion. Suddenly he makes a snap decision. “You know,” he says jovially, “I was going to just wing it up here, really speak from the heart and maybe even say just a little too much truth. I thought I might try and address all those big issues and challenges that everyone’s really wrestling with. God knows I’ve been through a lot lately that’s really changed me at the very core of my being.” He chuckles, then reaches with one hand into his coat pocket for a folded sheaf of paper, placing his reading glasses on his nose with the other. “But instead I believe I’ll just read verbatim these carefully prepared and researched remarks, which have been screened by numerous focus groups and vetted by my staff during several days’ worth of rehearsals.” As he begins, cut to reaction shots of his relieved friends and family, with the speechwriters nodding in satisfaction.