No person or thing or animated kitten ever “wins the internet.” The internet makes you lose, inexorably. Everyone loses at the internet, all the time, every day, and forever. Eventually we will all die, at which point we still will not win, but it could be argued that at least we’re no longer losing, or at least no longer losing at the internet. Unless you’re dead and still on Facebook — yeah, still losing there, despite the mortality.
Comments disabled on that Gizmodo post. Server-saving or wagon-circling? you be the judge, jury, bailiff, court reporter, and sergeant at arms. I feel sorry for those Kalifornia kops though. Cue Liam Neeson: RELEASE THE DARBYSHIRE!
Any other news organization would make this a story about, you know, the actual phone. But the phone itself is a boring piece of hardware. (“Oh, look, an iPhone with square corners and two volume buttons.”) In Denton’s hands, it’s a story of intrigue: “How did they get the phone? Where was it found? Did they pay for it? How much? Will there be a lawsuit?”
David Carr asked for a quote for this week’s biz media column about the Apple/Gawker kerfuffle, and I gave him something entirely too long, but he went with the above the snippet. Here’s what I wrote in full:
Ha ha ha! Remember <snip>? Nobody does that anymore.
Anyway I agree with all this, though I have to say I was disappointed with how much of the backstory was revealed. There’s a big blank gap of details between unknown guy finding the phone and it getting onto Gizmodo’s dissection table. I’d be real curious to know how contact was established, how the arrangement was negotiated, what the Giz editors thought and how the company strategized to deploy the story package, etc. Of course all that must be obscured as a defense versus any legal abuse from the authorities or Apple, so the general public may never know. But then again the general public may never care. Nobody has yet bothered doing a Gawker-level story about Gawker’s inner machinery for that very reason, I suppose.
Now that Betty White is getting to be as huge as Beyoncé who do you think is due to become the next internet meme and why: Nell Carter circa Gimme a Break or Archie Bunker?
Sorry gays and girls Golden or otherwise, but I never bought into the Betty White mystique, and 70s TV was pretty crap back when I was alive to watch it in the 1970s (unlike most fans of 70s TV). My vote for next Internet meme: vapidly articulating a trend just so you can coin a term for it and thus win at SEO. Oh wait, that’s already the entire internet! Think I’ll call it “overcoining.” Watch for me soon on Buzzfeed.
What does Nate, your newest columnist, think of The Kenmare?
Nate has too many special memories of the Beatrice to fall into the hype of anointing Kenmare as the next Bea, but he agreez with the Campanaro steez. That said, his chief concern, as he has with any establishment, regards the tabletop proximity of shiny and/or edible objects. Not so different from your average Nolita restaurant-goer, really.
The perfect lunch takes place late, 2-3pm on a Friday when you’ve finished up your major tasks, and it’s a gorgeous early spring outside, and the boss is out and occupied. So you decide on a long lunch with one or two other people, nearby, nothing fancy, but something savory and good, and you decide you all deserve a beer, or maybe sangria! Ha! Sangria, how stupid is that. So you do come back to work eventually and then you fritter around till you get to that shadowy period when everyone starts wandering around the office, then loitering near the door, then going outside for a smoke and never coming back in, and you might as well grab a drink before your lunch-buzz wears off completely. And if you’re really lucky and/or conscientious you’ll find yourself accidentally skipping dinner and happily blotto by 9 or 10, and you end up crashing well before midnight, which, while sometimes justifiably construed as a weak-sister play, does however mean that you can rise reasonably refreshed at a somewhat decent hour the next morning and get some juice out of your day. Maybe even have a light late breakfast to prepare yourself for another perfect lunch, weather permitting, and this time you don’t even need the workplace pantomime.
Today I have to actually run the daily news traffic on the website! how quaint! Also the kid is coming by the office to play with the dog and the assistants, but despite this heavy schedule I will consider answering questions.
Hot date Wednesday night? Well we’ve got just the thing for you folks! Two, count ‘em 2 free tickets (Orchestra seats, even) to A Behanding in Spokane. Just you, your mom and Christopher Walken this Wednesday night, 8 PM. You don’t even hafta jump through hoops. Just eff up your neatly packaged and branded blog by reblogging this so that we can be greedy and get some more followers/exposure. You know how these things work. That’s the price one pays for free shit.
Oh, two can play that game. Reblog THIS for a chance to win two tix to a talk with the cast of A Behanding in Spokane - including Sam Rockwell, Anthony Mackie and Zoe Kazan - at 92YTribeca this Sunday.
hello?! chris walken up close…me p’ease….p’ease.
Butterfreid you won!! Confirm by EOD! (Like, I don’t know 7pm? Is that when everyone else’s EOD is?) See below!
If you care about broadway and theater and such things and you are in New York and are cool you should be following bbook.tumblr.com because they’ll be giving away tickets to A Behanding in Spokane and American Idiot through May by way of challenges as this one. No guarantees that any of the challenges will make sense.
In 1997 I was a grad student in creative writing at Eastern Washington University in Spokane, WA. One of my fiction professors was a dour German woman named Ursula Hegi. While I was in her fiction workshop, her life was transform’d when Oprah picked her novelStones from the River for Oprah’s Book Club. Now she was a real big shot on our campus! Before she went to tape her segment on Oprah, a posse of Oprah producers and camerapersons flew out to Spokane to film our class for use in some kind of intro montage. Now imagine the normal routine parley of a fiction workshop — which can be awful anyway — choreographed by TV producers and their minions, all crammed into various corners of our tiny workshop room so as to stay out of view of the similarly crammed camerapeople. But still, this was Oprah! Our dour German professor was extremely animated and interested in what we had to say! And all of us students, especially us second-years who were checked out anyway, we also were animated and verbal and full of pointed but constructive criticism! Also, most of us were drunk! Because we hit the bar at 2pm in advance of the 6pm taping, and we didn’t mind stinking up the tiny room with our liquor breath and furtive pot smoke if it meant calming down in advance of our big TV moment. Damn that was some great workshopping that day. I don’t even remember whose story was up, but I’m sure it emerged with all kinds of crazy improvements.
But it didn’t matter because they didn’t use our segment at all on the show. And Ursula Hegi had makeup on her dour German face for her Oprah segment when it aired, which was really really weird. Blush and red lipstick! I also remember: after we taped our never-aired workshop, I was with Ursula in an elevator, and I was still buzzed, and I wanted to crack wise about the weird situation but also try to get “in” with her a little, because she was about to be super-famous and we’d never really “clicked” in class. So I said, so cleverly, “This is all really exciting. Everyone must be trying to get on your good side. Can I wash your car or something?” She turned and fixed me with a cold teutonic stare and deadpanned, “Maybe I should post a sign-up list for that.” Oddly enough, we didn’t keep in touch after graduation.